i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
