tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
