theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
