Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
