Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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