she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
vagina is talking i cant
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
