singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
