in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
