she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
