i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
this just has baby written all over it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
