i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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