i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
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