I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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