just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
