i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
