If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
