Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
