Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
