He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
