Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
