If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
