i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
