Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
