I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
