It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
