Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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