we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
