So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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