Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
