I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
