please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
