I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
