Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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