She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
