Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I stole a fireplace last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
