Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
