The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
