i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
