all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
