He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
