I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
