And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
In America we eat man semen.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
