the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
