Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
