I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
