I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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