Dual....:-)
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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