i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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