I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
