Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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