omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
