I can text with my tongue
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
