my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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