Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
