I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
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I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
